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SEPTEMBER 10 . 07
Toilet Action! .. PLAY ME!
First off, I'd like to say that I'm eagerly anticipating the new traffic I'll get on this site from people googling the term “toilet action.” I may as well add the phrases “Jessica Alba” and “naughty, naughty monkey” to really optimize search results.
Toiet Action! (yes, that's action with an exclamation point) is a quick little game of frantic plumbing excitement. You're a plumber in a bathroom full of overflowing toilets, and you must use a color-coded plunger to unclog each one, either because the plumbing world is in desperate need of standardization or because your OCD greatly outweighs your survival instinct. (You're also wearing sunglasses and a hard hat, so whatever happens in there, you're prepared for the worst.)
If you just leave the toilets alone the room will fill up in 12 seconds, but with practice and a concentrated effort I was able to stretch this out to almost a minute. There's also some kind of water pump you can click to theoretically help control the flooding, but I found I was doing better before I discovered its existence. So that's essentially what you're fighting for here: whether to drown in a pool of raw sewage twelve seconds from now or fifty-six. The whole thing happens to a funky boom-chicka porno soundtrack (a little something for my new google search engine friends), but that's all there is to it. Game over. Play again?
The worst thing about Toilet Action! isn't that it really crushes your soul to play the game, but how much it must have eaten away at the hopes and dreams of the poor bastard who designed it. I picture some guy at a cubicle in the head offices of GloboCrappyFlashGames.com with a bunch of bathroom-themed clipart in his inbox and a note from his boss saying “go nuts.” He's on a tight deadline, so forty-eight hours later he's got Toilet Action!, and very little time left over to think about how it all came to this. The title screen credits the game to someone named Yan Kleber de Moura, which might be an actual name or might simply be Portuguese for “someone please just make the pain go away.”
In other news
I've joined technorati.com. I don't really know what technorati.com is yet, but it claims to have tools to help market my blog, and I'm pretty much a compulsive joiner so I signed up. My screen name is ScienceBuffalo. Check it out.
-Matt
Think you've played a game this bad or worse? E-mail me and tell me about it!
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